So.... a new Low, yessir...

[Heath]

(Edit:  I thought I'd add a quick note here that I'll be using foul language, so if such things offend you, or you're a 10 year old pedal builder or something (I bet they have those in China) then you might want to skip this one.  Just sayin...)

I was building a Dead Astronaut Tremshifter from Freppo's layout.  LOTS of wiring, pots, and switches.  The kind of build you try to be careful with because it will be a diseased bitch of a time troubleshooting it.

- Inserted leads into Old Yeller (my testing rig).

- Applied 9 volts from a fresh battery (I have my little bench power supply, but I like to try a battery first in case I've done something monumentally stupid, as I'd rather just drain the shit out of a battery than have a short attempt to Frankenstein itself ("It's alive... ALIVE!!!"))

- Rate LEDs flash.. good sign!!!  I'm thinking "Holy Crap!  Did I really just build that circuit without even some tiny silly goofup?"

The answer I'm looking for here is "No."

I plug my guitar in.  

Eyeball the volume on my amp as it's after dark (just being nice to the neighbors).  

I set the volume on the pedal to about 9 o'clock... enough to initially hear a signal without pulling a nasty CrunchBox Pant-Shitting Surprise (DEAR GOD MY EARDRUMS... WHY?!  WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO LOUD??!!  MY TESTICLES ARE NUMB!")

Nothing.  Not a peep.

I turn the volume all the way up, all the way down (in case of backwards wiring).  Nothing.  Not a peep.

I turn all the knobs to halfway, just in case.  The rate LEDs behave as they should.  Nothing.  Not a peep.

I flip all the toggle switches in case I shorted something there.  Nothing.  Not a peep.

I double check my wiring, both how I have the circuit plugged into Old Yeller and where I soldered the wires at the edge of the board to make sure I didn't screw that up.  Everything is perfect.  

I double check my IC orientations and reseat my Vactrols.  Nothing.  Not a peep.

I insert LEDs in the vactrol sockets to make sure they light up.  Yes they do.  I put the vactrols back.  Nothing.  Not a peep.

I flip the board and knife the gaps.  Nothing.  Not a peep.

I knife the gaps again paying special attention to the trace cuts.  Nothing.  Not a peep.

At this point if you know who Lewis Black is, imagine him troubleshooting a pedal circuit he just built.

I go outside and smoke a cigarette (yeah, nasty habit, but it's shit like this that
sends me into a nic fit).  I come back.  Nothing.  Not a peep.

I take out the Dremel with the cutting wheel and fucking dig trenches into the gaps.  Take that you son of a bitch!  That's right, you take that Dremel, take it all!  Oh, you're a dirty little board, aren't you?!!  You like that, huh?!  You like it rough you DIRTY STINKING WHORE BOARD!?!!

Nothing.  Not a peep.  Not a fucking buzz, bit of static, or hiss... Nothing.

As I hold that board high, cocking my arm back to launch it in what I can only call a rage-fueled fastball to hell... or my wall... or my cat... or my amp...

oh...




...I realize my amp's standby switch is on.

...and the, uh, pedal circuit works great.  Yeah.  

true story.

[alltrax74]

Ah ah !
Thanks for the morning laugh !
This said, the same happened to me a while ago...until I realised there were no tranny in the sockets...

[IvIark]

Haha, I thought you were going to say you plugged in the wrong guitar

[Silver Blues]

Bahaha  don't even worry about it man, it happens to the best of us at the most inopportune moments.

[rocket88]

Hahaha. I hate when that happens. That's like I actually called mesa cause I thought it blew or got damaged during the move cause no matter what i did it just wouldn't stay clean when I turned the volumes up past 7, only to find out, while on the phone with their bass tech that my gain was dimed. Now this came after changing tub, and running tests on her for 2hrs. I even said to them thank god it's not the amp and me just being an idiot.

[AC_FX]

This is why we're guitar pickers, not brain surgeons.

Oh god, you're not a brain surgeon, are you?

[Frank_NH]

Heh!  Yeah - been there done that too.  Usually I do things like have the guitar cable plugged into the output jack of the effect and the amp to the input jack, and then wonder why it's not working!

By the way, if I ever get no sound at all when testing a new effect, I get out my trusty audio probe and start tracing from the input.  If there is a break, short or cold solder joint, I'll find it pretty quickly.

[rocket88]

How about when you plug into the effect but forget to plug into the amp, or the cable is slight out of the amp so there's no connection.......

[Beaker]

"How about when you plug into the effect but forget to plug into the amp, or the cable is slight out of the amp so there's no connection....... "

Yep, done that too. Changed pickups and electronics in a guitar for a guy once, phoned him to tell him it was ready. He came over to pick it up, so gave him a quick demo to show him how good it sounded, and nothing.

He went off in a huff, with me apologising profusely and promising to sort it out. I had the guitar apart again to double check everything, and everything checked out. Hooked it up to the amp again, and ... nothing. Then I noticed the jack plug not pushed all the way into the amps socket... DOH!

Daft thing is that this guy treated his guitar like I treat my children. He made it clear that he did not quite trust my abilities right from the start, so despite assuring him that I would take good care of it, and that I really did know what I was doing, I ended up proving him right.

He was really pleased with the guitar when I called him back to confess what I had done, but never saw him again.


I also recently spent several hours trying to de-bug a pedal that only gave out a very quiet hiss, only eventually finding out that I was trying to test it with a completely flat battery!

[Vince]

I've made a circuit before and it roared and squealed no matter what I did, This unplugging and stomping back over to the work desk like a distraught child went on for some time until I threw it in the bin in a fit of rage, came back and discovered I had my amp on the dirty channel. I rushed back to the bin searching through potato peelings, yogurts pots etc to find it in the bottom of a baked bean can.... covered in bean juice....So I had a well entitled sulk..

[alex.s]

It's usually empty sockets staring at me in a somewhat forlorn guise for me. Just how many times it happened and how many more it will again I'm not sure, some might say it's always going to be too many anyway...?! :)

[dbat69]

Heath, you always manage to make me laugh, but your story is so close to home (and easy to do)

I did something similar - I plugged my guitar into the pedal, plugged the lead into the amp and the other end into the pedal output.  Nothing, nada.
Spent ages troubleshooting, getting frustrated, tried again and again, but nada.

Turned out that the lead that went from the pedal to the amp ... erm ... didn't
It was mixed up with another lead which was hidden under some stuff
I'd plugged one end of one lead into the amp, and a different lead into the pedal.  That'll teach me to leave a few leads lying about
When the lead connected the pedal to the amp ... it worked